1. It’s so weird how having a uterus can make you go from queen of the world to girl crying on a treadmill in less than 3 minutes. But I dealt with my shit and I only cried for a little bit. That time. The other 4 times we won’t talk about. Besides nobody messes with the fat girl crying on the weight stay device. It can’t be called a weight loss device when I’m using it.
2. I saw Mormon Missionaries tonight at the gas station in my booty shorts and they never seem to say hi to me anymore probably because I look like I sleep with men for buckets of deep fried chicken which I totally would, but I still like seeing what the 19 year old boys of the LDS world are looking like these days. On that note I am really fuckin’ old.
3. I think for my 14th wedding anniversary this weekend I’m going to get myself the same thing I got for my first one. Haha. Just kidding. I can’t get myself a 6 month old baby or pregnant. But I can get myself some Mexican food. Which is the same thing I threw up giving birth to my son. I guess looking pregnant my entire life was meant to be.
4. I still remember where I was the moment I learned David Duchovny had entered rehab for sex addiction. Never before had being a sex counselor entered my mind. It did then.
5. I used to have a gigantic crush on my cousin when I lived with my grandma in West Virginia during my Freshman year of high school. I never acted on it obviously, but when I did accept the Starter Jacket of a guy on the football team to wear around the school, my mom informed me I needed to give it back because he was my cousin too. The hills have eyes and even lower IQ’s.
6. I only ever had one party at my house in high school. My parents were gone for the week and left me home alone and I was such a nooby little freak that when people got there I told them they had to leave the beer and pot outside because I didn’t want it getting in the area where I did my praying. As you can imagine nobody stayed for my “party.”
Any more confessions and I’m going to lose my street cred.